#10 The Chameleon-Leader dilemma - Should you always read the room?
Leaders, should you always read the room?
Reading the room is part 1.
Acting upon your read is part 2.
Reconnecting to your intention is between parts 1 and 2.
The kickoff meeting is starting, each of us is invited to introduce ourselves to the team. The first one goes, then the second, and so on…I immediately understand that I have to decide quickly whether I stick to my plan and introduce myself my way (4 min exactly - only one story sharing who I am) or if I revert to the safer "well trodden" route (7-10 min, diluted, speaking about your resume, a couple of comments on how you felt... You get the picture!).
Okay, decision made. I’ll probably look weird for the first 3 min, but luckily they’ll get it by the end of the 4th one, and hopefully they will like it.
I’ve read the room, I’ve chosen not to change my way, remembering my intention there.
(We’ll come back to the “intention” thing later.)
It is commonly accepted that reading and integrating your audience’s moods, habits, interests, values and needs is a great tool for any anyone looking to foster meaningful interactions. Empathy and emotional/social skills are highly powerful:
- You are able to know what to say, how to say it, and when to say it: You make yourself far more understandable
- You can tap into the codes and values you and your audience have in common. You create connection and trust
- You can take care of their wellness and make them feel comfortable. You create an enjoyable environment
All of that leads you to integrate yourself even more deeply.
No debate.
That said, integrating yourself (and being accepted) might not always be one of your primary intentions.
What else could be?
- Making an impact
- Leading
- Transforming
Leading transformation (isn’t that what you are supposed to be doing, one way or another, in your current job?) intertwines these 3 stakes and leaves no room for “chameleons.”
Indeed, I’ve experienced that my chameleon abilities can harm my intentions in these particular cases.
The chameleon in us gives us the precious ability to stretch ourselves like no other. It is used to navigating differently depending on the audience. It enjoys mastering this skill to connect powerfully with others. And most of the time it requires no particular effort. For some of us, it is our default to use our emotional intelligence* skills to immerge ourselves.
Chameleons care about fitting in; Leaders simply have other concerns.
There are times when the gap you might notice (between you and them or between how they operate and how you want them to operate) shouldn’t be filled in by your chameleon instincts but by your leadership; By you showing the way. This gap is a formal invitation to elevate the game for all and not to soften your own.
Next time remember what your primary purpose is and with that clearly in focus, decide where to tap into: the chameleon or the leader.
You can hardly be both at the same time.
*Emotional intelligence (EI) or Emotional Quotient (EQ) is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to manage and monitor one’s own as well as other’s emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions (Salvoy & Mayer, 1990).