#32 Truth or Truth?
“Tell me the truth” I said.
Next time I’ll remember to ask myself first, “aAm I truly able to welcome the truth that I am asking for?”
And the answer to this genuine question is “probably never enough”. In fact, it may be not completely—humanly—possible to prepare oneself to hear that truth, the one we are searching for.
When you ask for the truth, it requires;
- Courage. Be brave to face what you may not want to see/hear/feel.
- Responsibility. Not blaming others for offering what you asked for.
- Wisdom. Trust that you’ll eventually grow from this experience, especially if you remind yourself that no matter how much you disagree with their perception, there is almost always 2% of real truth in any “truth” you are faced with. Focus on that 2%.
- Time. The worst move would be to answer outright and react. Unlike what you think, you are not ready yet. Process it. Sleep on it. Re-sleep on it. Go back to them only when you feel at peace with it. (No one says that you have to resolve it this week!) Answer with equanimity.
My deep conviction though, through many experiences and debates, is that every slap of the truth is leagues better than the sweet kiss of a lie.
Truth is the ultimate respect you show to someone. Sure, it may hurt and create more questions and doubts for both parties, but at least you can both make enlightened decisions. The truth is an indisputable accelerator of what has to unfold and will unfold then, with or without your permission. The price is high, but the reward is too; you’ll build your relationship on the most solid ground in existence.
In the end, the truth cannot not be helpful, as long as it is delivered the proper way. And this last part of the sentence is the most important one.
When you deliver your truth (let’s be honest, “truth” here is a synonym of something that will probably displease them), here are the nuances;
- Courage. In your position, what is brave is to uplift your relationship with transparency, without a guarantee that it will be welcomed the way you want. This is pure courage, as you are risking it all by speaking up.
- Responsibility. don’t fool yourself and others by throwing them the truth when in fact you intend to get rid of it and then feel satisfied because you checked off the “I told you the truth” box. " I’m mature. Yay me.” No. You are at first responsible for owning the motives behind your words, and the consequences that they can trigger.
- Wisdom. any truth you share is only a version of a bigger truth that can be seen differently. You are partially right. Partially. Wisdom here is another way to name a kind of necessary humility. It is not The Truth, it is your truth.
- Time. give them time. They might not be ready to process it despite their claims. And you might have to deal right away with some explaining, justifying, or even arguing. And that’s fair. Be aware that you might receive a slap of truth in return. (Now go back to the previous paragraph to enable yourself to be on the receiving end of their “truth”)
5. And... Architecture: prepare the conditions in which you will present the truth with care and goodwill. The trilogy Time, Environment, and Format are worth considering. A little tip here: writing to prepare them beforehand is a gesture I’ve experienced enough times to know that it has more virtues than downsides. You offer them space and time to think about it before, to come prepared, and to take care of themselves while discussing it with you.
What are some truths that you may both benefit from talking about in your professional or personal relationships?
When was the last time that you told your truth?
Whose truth will you ask for next?